The lineup for Chicago’s Lollapalooza 2019 Festival (August 1 – 4) has been announced. I haven’t been this excited since the lineup for the 2018 festival was announced. That lineup included Dancing Zombie Dogs . . . or did I just think it should have?
Since we are still weeks of fevered anticipation away, you might enjoy getting pre-stoked by taking The Lollapalooza 2019 Quiz. Ten of the 20 names listed below are musical acts that will be performing this year at the celebration of great music that is Lollapalooza. The other ten are acts I made up. How well can you distinguish actual massively amplified and occasionally coherent acts from fictional massively amplified and occasionally coherent acts?
Oops, sorry — some musical dinosaurism snuck in there. I meant to write: How well can you distinguish the acts that shouldn’t be missed from acts that don’t exist?
Of course, millennials have a big advantage here. So a special prize will be awarded to anyone over 50 who scores a perfect 10. You senior savants will win an official waiver from going anywhere near the 2019 Lollapalooza Music Festival. Instead you will be invited to an event that’s similar but far less expensive and mobbed: banging yourself on the head repeatedly with a 16” fry pan.
Internet searches obviously violate the artistic integrity of this quiz. If you cheat through such searches you will be reported to your high school’s Transcript Administrator for documentation on “your permanent record.” (See Animal House.) Just use your appreciation of contemporary musical excellence to pick out the ten fake names here. Good luck.
Still Woozy
Big Score / Kobe Bryant
DJ Diesel / Shaquille O’Neal
Born Dirty
Loud Shirt$
Phat Baby
The Nude Party
GED
Shlump
Love Dizzeze
Raging Rats
Camelphat
Bad Brad & The Big Boys
Slappy Happy
Nothing, Nowhere.
Premium Ear Damage
Just Loud
Illiterate Light
Dirty Dingos
Snails
Note: It’s possible that some of those 10 names I thought I made up actually are musical acts somewhere. I tried.
not band names:
Big Score/Kobe Bryant
DJDiesal/Shaq
Snails
Dirty Dingos
Just Loud
Nothing Nowhere
Loud Shirts
Slappy Happy
Camelphat
Raging Rats
G-Man — I’d say that 50 (half right) is a pretty good score for somebody of our generation! Full disclosure: I had to make a “cheat sheet” just to remember which names were the fakes I made up a couple months ago! So here were your five mistakes: DJ Diesel / Shaquille O’Neal actually is — God help those who go to listen — a commercial musical act (though not, as you properly guessed, Big Score / Kobe Bryant.) Also real acts: Snails; Just Loud; Nothing, Nowhere; and Camelphat.
Since I became a grandfather yesterday, I’m going for an extended celebration of staying 90 miles away from Lollapalooza-type pain, listening instead to some pop music by The Who, Stones, etc. . . . that’s actually good.
See you on the court next Monday or Wednesday!