From Harvard Square’s petitioners to California’s collective farms, good people everywhere are suffering disappointment. As we tried to warn our parents long ago, this is not our fault.
Baby Boomers with worn-out knees. Geniuses with Ph.Ds in Film Studies Of Marginalized Countries, yet unable to get a six-figure job. Compassionate progressives who have so many cats they can only afford to feed them generic cat food. Poets with writer’s block.
We the people who have suffered disappointment that’s not our fault have never had our own nation. This injustice ends now.
I hereby declare the Autonomous Nation of David’s Cramped Condo Without Air Conditioning (ANDCCWAC). As difficult as is the struggle of Seattle’s devoted street people, underemployed jugglers, and community organizers no longer able to live in their parents’ basement, my community endures much the same. What’s worse, this is the Midwest.
The Milwaukee suburb where I live is more lethargic than a Joe Biden speech and just as hard to make sense of. Do you know what passes for culture here? The Olive Garden on Bluemound Road. The air conditioning for my claustrophobic two bedroom condo is a 1997 unit whose last gasps of freon are gone — which is exactly what the establishment wanted to happen!
As the President and Acting Security Supervisor of ANDCCWAC, I am declaring my nation more or less sovereign, its borders guarded by my next-door neighbor’s dog Ace, who is tiny but barks fiercely. ANDCCWAC demands long-overdue compensation from the United Nations, Netflix‘s billing department, and the local authorities who deliver my property tax bill every single December.
The time for justice is now and the place is a Milwaukee suburb so boring it cries out for some magically transplanted city neighborhood with bistros and a jazz club. Is that too much to ask?
It is? Well, maybe ANDCCWAC can form some type of nation partnership with whatever they’re calling that Seattle nation now. Maybe our combined “work forces” could sell banners and bumper stickers: Free The People With Liberal Arts Degrees.