Benefit #1: Animal Control
Not that long ago, Venezuela had a healthy economy and functional food distribution, as well as the largest crude oil reserves of any nation on Earth. Then socialist crusader Hugo Chavez took power, promising economic justice for “the people.” Over the nearly 13 years of his rule, Chavez’ crusade for justice produced dramatic changes in Venezuela, including lots of Castro-length speeches, desperation and starvation.
But wait, there’s more! Venezuela has eliminated any need for pet adoption. (Famished Venezuelans resorted to eating their pets.) Another benefit: With efficiency unusual for socialist systems, Venezuelan zoos drastically cut operational costs.
Yet another benefit: The country’s extended shrinkage of high-calorie protein dishes has limited Venezuelan opportunities for capitalist exploiters such as Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig.
Benefit #2: Hit Clothing
Countless millions of Che Guevara t-shirts have been sold over half a century, mostly to American idealists. The iconic design — Che’s bearded face, his eyes gazing up searching for justice — continues to celebrate the socialist revolutions that Guevara lived for, tortured and executed political opponents for, and in 1966 lost his battle for.
Those t-shirts have somehow seemed especially prone to shrinkage, exposing stomachs that few people want to see, but encouraging further sales. By one estimate*, this wearable celebration of socialist struggle has so far generated over $500,000,000 in revenue for struggling t-shirt sellers — just through sales to young men with IQs under 100. Throw in various other fashion-conscious idealists and the number might reach $750,000,000.**
Benefit #3: Capital Constraint
Some people admire Norway’s mixed-market blend of socialist and capitalist elements supporting its golden-fibre social safety net. To provide those glorious benefits, doesn’t Norway rake in large proportions of its taxes from its well-to-do citizens? Not as large as you might think, because Norway knocked down its well-to-do citizens long ago.
But even for Norway’s non-wealthy, the tax rates start at discouraging and climb quickly: personal income taxed at 28% – 55%, social security taxes of 22% – 24%, and a 25% sales tax. This provides a potential benefit for U.S. socialists who feel their taxes are too low: Just move to Norway!
And there’s a global benefit in Norway’s steep tax rates. They suppress private accumulation of capital, limiting the exportation of stinky lutefisk.
Benefit #4: Anthems For Dummies
Socialism produces political anthems beloved by people eager to sing along. There’s a golden oldie from 1949 still popular among believers, If I Had a Hammer. It was written by Pete Seeger, a lifelong communist folkie who always tried to perform in the fancied penumbra between communism and socialism.
This anthem is more easily understood through a translation into common English, so here’s one.
| SEEGER’S LYRICS | ACTUAL MEANING |
| If I had a hammer, I’d hammer in the morning | I’d really like to control other people. |
| I’d hammer in the evening, all over this land | Not just daytime, nighttime too. Everywhere. |
| I’d hammer out danger, I’d hammer out a warning | Look out! There are many successful bourgeoisie who need to be shaken down. You are warned! |
| I’d hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters | Mandatory love, comrades. Hug or be reported. |
| Aww-aww-all over this land | You can’t escape. The entire nation will become California. |
What is the benefit of socialist political anthems? As dopey as they are, they provide aesthetic harm reduction for people who would otherwise be listening to far worse popular contemporary music. If you doubt that music is even worse, try to sit through a Grammys broadcast.
Benefit #5: Love Is Blind
Socialism provides the benefit of selective blindness and historical amnesia. Marvel again at Mr. Seeger. Like Bernie “Honeymoon in Moscow” Sanders, Pete loved traveling to Russia to experience the glories of socialism-communism. For decades, he defended Joseph Stalin, ignoring Stalin’s terror purges, political murders, and enforced starvation of millions of Russians. Seeger kept sympathetically endorsing the left’s rationale that Russia’s large and unwieldy agrarian population needed the firm hand of “Papa Joe.”
Mr. Folkie finally acknowledged that, oops, he was wrong about Stalin . . . 50 years after Stalin’s death. In a letter to journalist Ronald Radosh, Seeger conceded that maybe, on his pilgrimages to the USSR, “. . . I should have asked to see the gulags . . . .”
Some people find singing easier than thinking. Although the intention of socialism is never realized, believers find its sung and chanted beliefs a benefit for the soul. Anyway, it’s a benefit if you don’t think about it.
* my estimate
** see single asterisk