Nice vacations are a right, not a privilege. With the passage of “Build Back Even Better, Really, Honest,” every family with an annual income of less than $200,000 will receive a two week all-expenses-paid vacation in the Ozarks or four weeks on the Jersey Shore. Your host: President Joe Biden. A national lottery grand prize winner will be treated to three days on Martha’s Vineyard in the Obamas’ neighborhood . . . well, just about 20 miles away.
Shouldn’t more Americans be able to read, write, and do basic mathematics? BBEBRH will provide free remedial education to everyone who has attended a public school under-achieving in education. This will provide much-deserved basic competency to millions of Americans and much-deserved extended employment opportunities to millions of educators and administrators. And according to analysis by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and the economics department of Oberlin College, it will cost nothing.
Public transportation is always challenged, and federal funding must meet that challenge, especially when people don’t like public transportation. Many of our cities have buses, subways, and trolleys shuttling around almost empty or carrying terrified passengers. The passage of BBEBRH will attract more happy passengers because they will not only ride fare-free but also be paid $2 per mile. Your conductor: President Joe Biden.
It’s time for free pre-preschool for all infants. Can American families really afford to wait until preschool for their children to begin learning the basics of hygiene, social distancing, and racism? Of course not. Generous funding from BBEBRH will get kids off to a really fast start.
In order to assure the effectiveness of COVID vaccines, every American must be given a free booster every six months. The BBEBRH will guarantee these boosters to every American citizen, and now include the many new American citizens who are not exactly citizens. And don’t worry about implementation, because this program will be managed in all 50 states by the reliable National Institutes of Health. Extra funding is provided for future boosters every three months, then every six weeks, and so on.
What do American families need most? Cash. What does our government most need to provide American families? Cash, lots of it. The most important program of BBEBRH, the Income Adjustment Agenda, will provide significant cash payments of $500 to $5,000 per week directly to hard-working Americans, also to Americans who will be incentivized to consider working. Will the Income Adjustment Agenda be popular? A national poll by The New York Times and MSNBC indicates 92% approval of a $500 weekly payment and 99% approval of a $5,000 weekly payment.
But wait, there’s more! BBEBRH will include many other initiatives to expand diversity, increase opportunity, and invest in progressivity. These initiatives are being developed under the supervision of the Vice President, so accurate details will be announced soon.
Expect even better. And it’s all paid for.