My fellow Americans, I am honored to speak to you today. Not a joke. Not a joke. Because April 1st is the fiftieth anniversary, I believe, of the heroic march on the bridge in Selma, Alabama, which brave Americans defended against civil rights opponents and other Republicans — who are my friends, although the wrong friends.
I was there at that bridge. So was Dr. Jill. I stood side-by-side with Rev. Martin Luther, Abner Ralphernathy, and other leaders of a movement that lives on today, if only in our hearts.
And what do extreme MAGA Republicans demand today? They probably believe that bridge is just a bridge over troubled Selma, to quote that hit record. Really, man? Not while I’m Vice President, no siree Bob! I remember working with my colleagues Robert Byrd and that other senator, uh, Senator Strom, you remember him. And we decided that the South will not exactly rise again, just sort of move sideways to welcome everyone, regardless of race or other problems. I’m not kidding.
As the Declaration of Interdependence said, all men are created equal, even the ones who aren’t men, or aren’t exactly men, or men who just want to kiss each other. And what’s wrong with that? Do extreme MAGA Republicans really object to kissing? C’mon, man, I object to such objecting, especially when it hurts men who love democracy. Women too. Plus those LGBTCB people.
As I’ve said many times, all Americans deserve some life, liberty and the pursuit of happy times . . . you know the thing, those great words written by great men and women, although MAGA Republicans — did I mention they’re extreme? — might not recognize the women, who are more equal now than ever before, but still not enough. Only women have such a strong sense of equal equity together with hair that usually smells really nice.
God bless America, and I do not joke with God. Seriously. And God bless that bridge in Selma, wherever it is today.