Original Pitches, Arguable Calls
Twelve Questions to Ask a Liberal 1. Dear liberal: Your trusted major media often ignore news they don’t like (such as Joe’s struggles with reality) or dismiss it as sinister disinformation (his son’s laptop is just a Russian hoax). But the handful of incorrect media often report such news anyway. Would the problem you liberals…
Trump-Williamson — Marianne Williamson is the current Democrat presidential candidate who places even more emphasis on miracles than most Democrats do. What if she wins the nomination as the one liberal candidate whose brain is not working like an unserviced Ford Model T? She would make an interesting opponent for Donald Trump. Picture her debating…
Chicago just finished staging its 18th Lollapalooza Festival. It showcased contemporary music that’s daring, diverse, and louder than tactical nuclear weapons explosions. Four days of outdoor mosh pit attendance suggest the population of people with generous aesthetic standards and lots of time on their hands is high — wow, is it high. The 2023 Lollapalooza…
1. Taking a long walk through the streets of San Francisco 2. Sitting through an open-mic poetry reading at a coffee shop in a college town 3. Watching an episode of The View featuring special guest Kamala Harris giggling and Joy and Whoopi applauding 4. Participating in a tripe-eating festival 5. Extensive impetigo 6. Hearing…
Bob Blandisch — A former Executive Officer of Wyoming’s Board of Outfitters and Professional Guides, Blandisch is reportedly ready to run for the Republican presidential nomination. In a recent speech to the Casper Chamber of Commerce, he presented a modest vision for the country: “I want to make America pretty good again, but this time…
CNN: Good evening, America, this is Anderson Cooper. Many viewers saw CNN’s recent town hall with Donald Trump. And some of you requested politely — some not so politely — that CNN broadcast a town hall representing the opposing viewpoint. So this town hall tonight at the Center For Progressive Progress in New York City…
Kamala Harris Harris’ term as vice president has been impaired by public performances that would embarrass a clown and private behavior that makes her staffers keep fleeing. Democrats have not rushed to defend her, lamenting (off the record) Harris’ inability to speak like an educated adult and her status as a political joke. The Harris…
My fellow Americans, I am honored to speak to you today. Not a joke. Not a joke. Because April 1st is the fiftieth anniversary, I believe, of the heroic march on the bridge in Selma, Alabama, which brave Americans defended against civil rights opponents and other Republicans — who are my friends, although the wrong…
Democrats Government Workers — The most deeply motivated Democratic Party bloc includes people who work for any level of government, or work sometimes, or once served as a county’s Assistant Administrator of General Assistance, or were given a government-related job by a brother-in-law, or prefer not to worry about getting fired, or like not having…
That’s not possible? Oh, yes it is. Many people now, including influential swamp-based Democrats, are worried about Joe Biden, who is technically the president. Biden is an unusual president. He shakes hands with invisible people, speaks words unknown to linguists, recalls events of no provenance, was once hurried away from unscreened questions — this actually…